My wife began Perimenopause at the the age of 31. We are both pretty active social drinkers. She had never had problems with becoming overly drunk before I met her, and I had not noticed anything but good moods. She was under control and knew when to quit.
She probably began Perimenopause at around the age of 32. That is very early and neither of us had any experience with the Menopause process. She is 43 now and that is a long and fatiguing period.
Perimenopause symptoms never just popped up and became obvious with her. By that, I mean it wasn't one day and bam, hot flashes. All the symptoms began to appear, but we just didn't really pick up on it. I believe this is what women see and feel as going "crazy". You know I think that it was more like, "boy she's in a bad mood today". It began to happen more often, but I don't really notice that. When the frequency becomes noticeably closer together I began to question what was going on. This brings up a little side issue.
I have a close relative who has been a raging alcoholic for 20 years. He and I were similar in many ways. We were often compared as being much alike. But I am an optimistic guy with an upbeat personality. He is very dark. We both joke a lot and laugh, but his humor is meaner and darker. His teasing is more cruel. This is something I knew, but didn't see as anything but "we were just different".
By the time he became a full blown alcoholic sometime in his later 30s I wondered if was just a chemical thing. Now I don't think so. I took him to several rehab stints. We consulted with physicians and psychiatrists and what I learned is that often people don't just become alcoholic. They are made. By that I mean there is some pain to living. The darker personalities hurt more. Maybe they start out as insecure, angry, jealous, pessimistic and moody. The alcoholic begins to drink to mask pain. It is a self medication. Life just doesn't hurt as bad when you are buzzed. I have had several professionals tell me that was happening with my relative. But what surprised me most is that many professionals specializing in alcoholism believe that it takes 15 to 20 years to become a full blown addiction alcoholic. For many years they are actually self medicating.
Is it the same with the menopausal woman? I don't see how. Her entire body make up is changing dramatically in inconsistent ways. Who can tell us what might happen here? With my wife, her tolerance of alcohol began to change. Women in this kind of emotional pain would logically look for something to slow down the rush of emotions, moodiness, hot flashes, and sadness. A drink seems harmless.
But, what begins to happen in women is too rapid, more dangerous. Where one time, my wife could have social drinks all evening and everything was normal and fine. Two days later she might stagger and slur her words. She would say things she could never have meant, and then simply not remember what it was that she had said.
As the months and years went by, there emerged another pattern. She would gulp drinks when on her period and then drink more slowly and conservative when not on a period. Red Wine was and is now taboo. It's very appealing to her, but brings on the worst episodes. Isn't that weird? One form of alcohol causes a different reaction than another? But Red Wind is just too hard on her. She didn't just have "hot flashes" on red wine. It was "hot days". Which demonstrates again the importance of communication. I can observe and she can describe what is happening to her.We believe red wine causes more intense hot flashes. Please give us some feed back if you read this and you agree.
As I said, this all moved slowly, but now I'm convinced that we watched the changes and should have seen the symptoms. But we both missed it. I suppose that I'm more to blame. I could observe the changes. She was not aware. The dark and moody feelings that she was having were causing her to seek out the masking or "self medicating". The feelings of menopause symptoms were very real to her and drinking made it seem better. There may have been nothing new happening in her life, but she was sure there was. Now we know this. If we had good sense we would both quit drinking. But, we haven't quit and probably won't. Now, she can warn me when she knows a period is coming and I limit her drinking. Red Wine is now out. It is so off of the list.
A friend of ours who is the same age as Andrea once said, "I can't drink red wine. It makes me hate my husband". My suspicion is that she was in some stage of Perimenopause. It is a very funny statement, but an even more serious subject. I am not going to moralize or preach against drinking. I'm going to point out that the man and the woman in the relationship need to both research, communicate and observe. Only by working together can a relationship involving Menopausal women (and they all will eventually be Menopausal) thrive.
No comments:
Post a Comment